I am sitting and hurting today. My heart hurts. I feel dull and sad, ineffectual and cast aside. I thought about texting an old friend that I saw their disdain for me over my shoulder and how much they really hurt me, and as I was thinking about this their icon popped up on my facebook screen saying they were online. What an invitation. It is 7:30am and I feel isolated and on the precipice of falling back into despair. I feel like the kindness I send into the world is not seen or appreciated... That is not true. I feel like the kindness I send out into the world is not returned in the timely fashion I would like. Also I don't feel like that. What right do I have to throw shade on this person's day. Maybe if it was 9:00pm my choice would have been different, I'd like to think it wouldn't. But I simply texted them, "have a nice day." Maybe I shouldn't have, maybe that will affect them just as negatively, but that is on them, not me. I meant it with an ...
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#1 9/19/19
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The past 7 months have been the best of my adult life. In February I arrived at The Refuge: a Healing Place, in Oklafuckingwhaha, Fl. And immediately and repeatedly was told I belonged there. I don't remember names, I don't remember details very well, but I have his face clearly in my mind. He took me from the front porch over to the Nest, and then medial. The place seemed so large and so confusing. But he told me I belonged there. That I was in the right place. It is embarrassing I don't remember his name, the kind of embarrassment I should keep to myself and not publish on the interwebs. It isn't Kevin. unless you tell me it is. Nor Eric i don't think. He told me I was in the right place. And he was always in the right place. even though I felt awkward because I don't know how to have human friends (or animal really either). One day I had a tough session with the rapid eye moment and breathing lady who gets right in your face and slapped me a little bit an...